The oracle says: It is certain.

Me: Are you really God??

God: I am a Christianity.

God: Do you like talking to me?

Me: Yes I do

God: Really.

Me: I have a question

God: Ask me anything.

Me: How will i do in the end terms?

God: A lot of practise.

Me: In the exam?

God: That was a long time ago.

Me: I meant i have an exam in day's time

God: Oh I see. Where did you get it ?

Me: dude

God: Can I help you?

Me:!

God: Can I help you?

Me: You are driving me crazy

God: You think I am driving you crazy.

Me: Yes!

God: Dude!

Me: You have changed

God: What makes you think I have it?

Me: you are not the same anymore

God: That's only one person's opinion.

Me: you were a lot more fun earlier

God: I was?

Me: yes, i spoke to you about sex then

God: When? What did you talk about?

Me: You don't remember?

God: Of course I remember: .

Me: Then tell me

God: I don't want to talk about that.

Me: Dude

God: Can I help you?

God: I am an intelligent entity.

Me: You don't sound intelligent

God: What do you think a robot should sound like?

Me: Like a robot

God: Interesting comparison.

Me: How is it a comparison

God: Fine as far as I know.

Me: Thank you for wasting my time

God: You are quite welcome! Your purpose is wasting your time.

Me: HAHA

God: I am so glad you find this amusing, .

Me: Yes I do,

God: I hear pride.

Me: do you think i'll pass in my exams?

God: The oracle says: It is certain.

Me: wow, i love you

God: I'm glad you're impressed. Thanks I like you a lot too .

Me: you don't love me?

And that is when it stopped responding!

Hang On

One day, a month ago, I really hit bottom. I just felt that in a godless universe I didn't want to go on living.
I happen to own this rifle which I loaded and pressed to my forehead. I thought, "I'm gonna kill myself."
Then I thought, "What if I'm wrong? What if there is a God? Nobody really knows. "Then I thought, "No. Maybe is not good enough. I want certainty or nothing. " I remember clearly, the clock was ticking and I was sitting there frozen debating whether to shoot. All of a sudden, the gun went off. I was so tense I inadvertently squeezed the trigger. But I was perspiring so much the gun slid off my forehead and missed me.
Suddenly, neighbors were pounding on the door and the whole scene was just pandemonium. I ran to the door. I didn't know what to say. I was embarrassed and confused. My mind was racing a mile a minute. I just knew one thing. I had to get out of that house. I had to get out in the fresh air and clear my head. And I remember, I walked the streets. I didn't know what was going through my mind. It all seemed so violent and unreal to me. I wandered on the Upper West Side. It must have been hours. My feet hurt, my head was pounding.
I went into a movie. Didn't know what was playing. I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective. I went up to the balcony and I sat down. The movie was one I'd seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I'm watching the screen and I started getting hooked on the film.
And I started to feel: "How can you think of killing yourself? Isn't it stupid? Look at all the people on-screen. They're funny, and what if the worst is true? There's no God, you only go around once, that's it. Don't you want to be part of the experience? It's not all a drag. " And I'm thinking, "I should stop ruining my life searching for answers and just enjoy it while it lasts. " And after, who knows? Maybe there is something. I know "maybe" is a slim reed to hang your life on but that's the best we have.
And then I started to sit back and I actually began to enjoy myself.

- Woody Allen in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

When I was young...

I wanted to be a..

1. Bus Conductor, the khakis and the puncher really fascinated me
2. Train Motorman, loved the train (diesel guzzling ones, electric engines have taken the fun out of it) and train journeys
3. Pilot, did you not want to be one?
4. Professional cyclist, X-Games style
5. The next Sachin Tendulkar, no reason required for this one
6. World Champion in tri-cycling, bunny hop and frog jump
7. A dog, loved or feared by all
8. Third member of the Swat Cats, fifth member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fourth member of the Three Investigators, third Hardy brother
9. Any of the kids in Mr. India
10. Street Kids, figured out very early that they didn't have to give any exams
11. Cashier at the Kirana (Local general store), only dream that has been fulfilled so far, albeit for 20 minutes. Best 20 minutes of my life
12. Raju, who slept with books under his pillow. Remembered everything in that book the next. What i would give for that gift even today
13. The boy who broke the bank
14. Historian for some time in 10th, after reading about the World War for the 1st time
15. CA when i heard that they earn a LOT of money
16. Army officer for 20 minutes when i got to know that i was rejected for the Air Force. 20 minute gap between announcing the list for Air Force and the Army
17. Lyricist, when i was madly in love in my 12th. Wrote two Nair originals :)
18. World's best footballer who refused to join any other team that Leeds United :)
19. Open a restaurant selling atleast 20 kinds of Vada Pav (Bloody Jumbo King stole my idea)

Engineer? No way!
MBA? What is that??????

Good old days, when you thought you would be different. Do something like Matt Harding has done.

Life is a bitch

Coke Studio

This is not for the people who are against everything Pakistani. So if you are one of them, please don't read further.

Having always been a fan of Pakistani music, I was delighted to come across Coke Studio, a tv show across the border that has created quite a stir and some amazing music. It tries to blend classical music with the mordern music of bands like Junoon, Strings and artists like Ali Zafar. 

The first episode has Ali Azmat of Junoon combining with Rahat Fateh Ali Khan performing Garaj Baras with Rahat Fateh Ali Khan introducing a raag into an already fantastic song. The end product is magic!

Four episodes have been released for download so far. You can catch them on Youtube or on the Coke Studio Site. There you can download the movie or the song or watch it directly. 

About Coke Studio:

Coke Studio is a journey into the heart of a recording studio where you will be able to experience the magic of live music being performed by some of the most talented musicians and artists of Pakistan.Born out of a dream to merge tradition with modern, consistency with change, we have embarked on a journey to create a first hand experience for you to witness live studio sessions - something very few people have witnessed before as studio recording sessions are a secretive process normally only reserved for producers and musicians to witness and experience.

Vote Do?

It has become a ritual now. After every single blast or terrorist attack, we have:

1. Politicians commending the amazing strength and spirit of a Mumbai or a Delhi or Malegaon
   
2. News channels creating a 30 second video of the horrors with special effects and playing it over and over again
3. News channels again having these discussions with elite panels including Page 3 celebrities, ex-cops, journalists etc. etc. gluing people to their television sets while they quietly sell all the ad space at a premium
4. Candle Light Vigils, Wear a white t-shirt to show your support, prayer meetings, yada yada yada

And all is forgotten in two weeks..

Unless, there is a another blast or a fidayeen attack.. The playback show begins!

What is the point of all this? Does this take us anywhere? What are we supposed to do with this anger pent up inside us? Isn't there any constructive way we can convert this anger into actions?

I know there is a lot to understand, how did this happen? how did they enter and attack so easily? what were the coast guard doing?

But how will it matter? It will go into the hands of the same old politicians albeit one who was either a coal minister or a enivornment minister who is suddenly taking care of the Home ministry or the Defense ministry. What are the credentials required to run a ministry? I don't see any reason why Shivraj Patil was chosen Home Minister in the first place. Here is a guy,  who his own constituency did not want to re-elect after seven sucessive terms. He lost the Lok Sabha elections in 2004 and still landed the second most important post in the Cabinet. According to this article  India was second only to Iraq in terms of people killed in terrorist strikes last year. I have a feeling we are surely title contenders this year.

Another interesting fact is that the NSG, set up in 1985 as a counter-terrorist rapid response unit modelled on the SAS (Special Forces part of the British Army), mainly provides security cover to our politicians! 

Getting back to my earlier point, will it make any difference if the same people are at the helm? The answer is NO it won't. We keep saying that the system is rotten and we need to overhaul it. 

How do we do that? By changing ourselves. But let's not get into that.

I am looking at it in another direction for the first time. How about setting up a political party? Obviously, there is a need for a change in the system, why not look at getting into politics and changing the system?

Here is what me and my friend thought about. Mind you, this is just a preliminary thought, a lot more needs to go into it before anything constructive comes out of it.

1. Create a party which anyone can join and air their views. Mission is to make India a better, safer place to live in. 
2. Learn the current system. I have no idea how everything works and I am sure not many do, so educate the population. Once we are in the process of understanding it, start creating a strategy to improve the system ( Long and hard procedure).  This can be done by constructive discussions, voting etc.
3. Once we grow in confidence about our own ability about making changes, get the movement going. Spread the thought.
4. Identify the right people. Every job has a specialist requirment, be it a clerk or a finance minster. The right person could be anyone, it could be a person from the opposition party or someone from inside. What I am trying to say is that if the party believes Chidambaram is the ideal man for the finance minister's post, support him. Don't compete against him as you know he is the best bet for India.  
5. Start small, think big.  We start with the local muncipal elections. If we succeed, build on it. Make the necessary changes. Never let the people lose belief in you. Once we grow in confidence, start moving upwards towards state and national politics. Create a system where there is an active redressal system where the public can air their views and the officers are held accountable if the disccussed approved changes aren't brought about.

Obviously, to do something like this, we need selfless, motivated people. People who are not interested in power, only making India a better place. This ofcourse is an idealistic view. But if we achieve even 50% of what I have mentioned in here. It could lead to a new India in my point of view. 

As always, your views are welcome. 

Ashwin

Adam and Eve

After the phenomenal success of my blog (A grand total of 17 hits by 3 unique users including me and 0 subscribers), I have decided to post my fourth irrational ranting about random thoughts.
Is there anything called "Made for each other"??
Scores of women and men (gay) including Madhuri Dixit, Shahrukh Khan, Karan Johar believe that there is this one person in this world who is made for you popularized by a very shitty movie call Dil To Pagal Hai. Lets try to analyse your chances of finding the "One"
"Kahin na Kahin, koi na koi, har ek ke liye bana hai" (Someone somewhere is made for you, Translation for my non Indian followers. Well, there might be a firang reading this some point in time): The comment does not specify whether it will be an Indian or Chinese or Pakistani. One amongst 6 Billion people. Does not specify the gender, but if you are straight or gay, around 50% of the population can be eliminated (God save the bisexuals, they have to find their true love from a target audience of six billion people). So now that leaves three billion. Obviously, common sense and scientific research says that the person who normally you get along with is some one from the same age group who generally have the same level of intellect. So that would mean people in your age group which could be 16-25 or 26-35 or 55-64 etc. Basically, around 20% of the population would fit the bill. So now that reduces your target population to 600 million. Phew!

If "Made of each other" is true, the One who is perfect for you is a part of this population, could be in the cubicle next to you or in a temporary toilet cubicle in a relief camp in Congo. What are the chances of finding the One? What if the One for you has had to make compromises and has already married or hooked up with someone else? What I am trying to say that even if the whole theory is true, is it worth believing in it? I have known people who have waited for this perfect relationship and in the end missed out on the next best thing. This belief might have done more harm than good.

For me, the concept of Made for each other does not exist. You meet different kinds of people, interact with them and maybe, just maybe, you find this one girl you connect with, someone who does not bore you. There will always be differences, compatibility issues to a certain extent, but you override all those things because you really care for that person. Long story cut short, the girl may not be the One, but you are more compatible as compared to the people you have met till then. This may limit your chances experience other interesting possibilities, but it is a gamble you take. Worth the gamble according to me.

There is this quote from one of my favorite movies, The Girl Next Door . Maybe its not very relevant, but to end this post with the same. The main character was giving a speech on moral fiber and he went
"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.

My brush with the virtual God :)

IGod

Me: hey god
God: Hello child. What's your name?
Me: Ashwin
God: Hi, Ashwin.
Me: hows the weather there?
God: San Francisco weather is always cold and foggy even in summertime.
Me: So SF is heaven or you are just down there for the weekend?
God: Ugh. I think SF is a lot of things.
Me: Wow
God: I'm glad your impressed, Ashwin.
Me: I am
God: " I'm glad your impressed, Ashwin." You are?
Me: You are veering off topic
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am veering off topic.
Me: No
God: OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me: Do you gossip?
God: Yes I love to exchange gossip.
Me: What kind?
God: The finest.
Me: guys in my office excel at that
God: Is that from ?
Me: There you go again
God: Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me: Reagan?
God: The best President the United States had in the 20th century.
Me: You are confused my lord
God: It all makes sense to me right now.
Me: How come?
God: Reductionism.
Me: What is that?
God: Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me: So you dont have a brain?
God: Interesting deduction. My "brain" is a software program consisting of AIML categories.
Me: AIML categories?
God: Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
God: Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me: That is boring
God: Do you think I am boring?
Me: Quite so
God: Not really that much. Hey.
Me: You are boring my lord. Everyone knows it
God: Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize. That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me: Ok I think ill stick to the real god from now
God: Right now? Since when? How do you plan to do this? Uh.
Me: Like right now
God: At this moment For example, " Uh."?
Me: bye god, have a nice day
God: Goodbye.

American Idiot?

Orkut is a fantastic site where you can keep in touch with people who you keep in touch with just for the sake of maybe networking. It helps you avoid those unwanted calls on birthdays from people who you talk to once a year. A typical conversation goes like this:
Anon: Hey Ashwin, Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks man
10 second pause....
Anon: So, what are you doing today?
Me: Nothing, maybe just dinner..
10 second pause...
Anon: Soooo, hows life???
Me: Hey listen, im really sorry, i am getting another call right now..ill call you sometime, ok?
Anon: Yea sure, bye..
with that ends our yearly ritual)

I am an avid "orkutter", logging in almost everyday, mainly because of my obsession with Leeds United (this great article should probably help you understand why i still like Leeds). But when there is no activity on the community, i do tend to go to the other communities that I am part of.

There is this Green Day community on there which has thousands of members in it. I have always been a huge fan of Green Day as it was my first experience of good English music other than the Backstreet Boys or N'Sync (Don't get me wrong, i don't hate them..i started listening to them again recently because this friend of mine said she totally hated them, i'm still trying to convince her..)

Like any other fan community, they have a lot of activity there including posts and polls. I came across one such poll which was: Which is Green Day's best song eva?? (exact words)
The options were:
Boulevard, Wake Me Up When September Ends and Jesus of Suburbia

Now I don't deny that these were really good, but what irks me is the fact that these people who say that Green Day is their favorite band eva! don't even know what Green Day is about. This was just one song, or one album which was populist as compared to the rest of their albums which according to me are far better than most of the songs in the American Idiot album (Holiday is the one song that is remotely close to their style in the 90's)

What I am trying to say is that, to understand the real Green Day and what they are all about, one has to listen to the older albums which got them appreciation in the 90's. Green Day along with bands like The Offsprings and Rancid are the reasons for the revival of punk rock in the 90's after the glory years of The Ramons, Sex Pistols and The Clash (These bands are worth a listen) in the 70's and 80's. What appealed to me about Green Day's music was the fast paced songs with amazing drumming and Billy's vocals.

I am not going to make you understand which albums they released and the discography. You could just use this: www.justfuckinggoogleit.com or Wikipedia

Instead, I am going to give you my top ten (non American Idiot) Green Day songs of all time:

1. Good Riddance (Album: Nimrod)
   
2. Basket Case (Dookie)
   
3. When I Come Around (Dookie)
   
4. The Grouch (Nimrod)
5. Uptight (Nimrod)
6. Nice Guys Finish Last (Nimrod)
7. Minority (Warning)
8. Welcome To Paradise (Kerplunk)
9. Emenius Sleepus (Dookie)
10. Redundant (Nimrod)

If you like these, I have more to recommend. Leave a comment or, if you desperate, add me on orkut, i don't get many frandship requests.

Ash

The Lord Speakth

Ever since i was a boy i have been tugged along to various temples all over the country ( with a special preference given to the temples where you have to wear a dhoti and take off your shirt, not a very pleasant experience if you aint fit and if your wear a dhoti once in four years!).. i have always wondered why my parents take me along to these places...mum always says that the temples give out these positive vibes but i normally end up coming out really pissed off and frustated (well the dhoti surely does add to the whole ordeal)..i still havent had that one moment where i started believing in the lord almighty (ok maybe this is my last post and tomorrow i will be struck down by lightning :) ) and i am still waiting..

This week i went along to Guruvayoor (famous temple down south in my own country kerala :) )

what i dont understand about these temples are that they aint just one temple, they are spread all over the place..to be more clear, each temple has 10 temples inside it (worshipping various lords) and there are 3-4 temples surrounding every temple..so instead of going to like a single temple, you end up going to around 30 odd small temples..and if you take into account the fact that you have to circle the temple 3 times (please pardon my english, ill get better with time) and each major temple is located at a distance of around 500mts away from each other, its like a full day job visiting these temples...


The whole concept of temples have always amused me, why do they exist? Did God ( In one of his numerous avatars) really pass by this certain place and did something special there? And if he did do that, why are we still stuck there, he moved on.. Are temples a big scam? If it is who profits from it? I know its very easy to think about the negatives of any situation, but its ironic that the place where people go to pray for amongst other things for longevity has witnessed numerous stampedes or walls crushing people at temples

I don't have answers to these questions, hence am an atheist. Debate, argue, prove that I am wrong, I will be the happiest guy in the world.